Sometimes Rest is Best
Our society values being busy. However lockdown has made a lot of people re-evaluate their relationship with their own comfort levels of busy. I’ve seen a lot of people duck out of the rat-race as they tasted how different life could be.
I hope that the idea of doing less, slowing down, having a duvet day, being without doing, ‘actively resting’ comes with less guilt than perhaps it used to. I particularly wish this for pregnant mums who desperately need to step away from the patriarchal pressure where every moment of every waking hour needs to justify its existence.
Pregnancy is a time of tuning in to the feminine qualities which predominate in the mothering period. This is a time where things should be allowed to unfold without comparison, where there are quiet spaces from which we hear and recognise the voice of our intuition.
I think we need to give those last impatient weeks of pregnancy more value and view them as a meditative time of reflection and also sweet anticipation where we stand at the doorway to a different life. I remember how shocked I was at how much time looking after a baby actually takes! How a cup of tea never got finished and having a shower seemed like an enormous achievement. It’s a different kind of busy. The day’s are much more simple but also much more intense and within all the busyness there was still time to simply gaze at my sleeping baby and drift into a calm trance through the many hours of feeding. I did take the advice to ‘rest when your baby rests’ and still to this day enjoy an afternoon nap, a skill I’m very happy to have learned back then.
When you’re pregnant your body tells you in no uncertain terms that you have to change gear, physically & mentally. It’s exhausting creating a human & your baby needs your energy to grow big & strong. Your mind becomes fuzzy as your grey matter literally reduces to help prepare you for the focused work of looking after a baby.
Now is the time to cultivate a new and positive relationship with resting. If you struggle to take your foot off the gas, perhaps think about your wind-down time as a gift for your baby.
And resting doesn’t have to be literally doing nothing. It’s about adjusting your pressure valve. This usually comes from spending some time on your own, changing your rhythm, directing your mind to something new, getting grounded in your body, or paying attention to how you’re feeling.
Here are some things that might help you unwind and tune in to your inner well of calm and self-regulation:
1) Literally put your feet up. If you aren’t OK lying on your back anymore (usually after 28 weeks) then lie on your side and raise one leg on a chair for 5 mins then turn over and do the other. This is deeply soothing, helps with circulation and just a few minutes here will be like a soft reset.
2) Listen to a hypnobirth track. Hypnosis works by gradually changing your brainwaves and then planting positive suggestions into your subconscious mind. There are loads available online and I have 6 original ones available on my on-demand section of my website.
3) Practice mindfulness. Learning to be present in the moment helps to ground you in your body, down-regulate stress, shift your perspective. Here are some great short daily Mindfulness recordings from Mark Williams, author of ‘Mindfulness. Finding Peace in a Frantic World’. http://franticworld.com/free-meditations-from-mindfulness/
4) Get a massage or reflexology treatment. Great for helping you to produce oodles of oxytocin. After 38 weeks you can ask your therapist to massage pressure points on your ankles to encourage your baby to arrive without formal induction.
5) Write a journal. This will help you to process your thoughts and feelings and get things from your subconscious into your conscience where you will have a better chance of acknowledging and dealing with them.
6) Take a gentle walk in nature. When we walk it literally helps to clear the mind as your brain work in a way where problems are easier to solve. Being in nature relieves stress, helps to ground you and is also humbling. This helps to give us a new perspective on our problems as it connects us to something bigger than ourselves.
7) Breathe! Of course I was going to put this in here ;-) If you don’t have time for any of the above, you can give yourself a powerful bit of calm by simply sitting with your breath awareness for a short while. Breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds and out through your nose for 5 seconds. You may well find your mind feels rested after just a few minutes.
8) Have a candle lit bath. The ultimate in slowing things down. Use some essential oils that you might use during labour so you have the association of the smell and being relaxed and nurtured in your body. Neroli, lavender, frankincense or myrrh.